If you grew up in the 1960s, 70s, or 80s and know the difference between a PSA 8 and a PSA 9, then you’re ready to tackle Bill Simmons’ laugh-out-loud funny take on his latest trip to The National Sports Collectors Convention in Chicago (which looks like a first cousin to just about any movie memorabilia convention).

Along with espousing his theory of The Collector’s Beard — a bad habit that is defined as a father buying vintage stuff for his kid, but really it’s just stuff that he secretly wants (that the kid won’t give a rat’s ass about) — as well as his wife’s reactions to some of his more useless purchases, it’s a must-read for anyone possessing the collecting gene. (via ESPN Grantland)

Here’s an ESPN video clip from the 2010 show.